Christopher Columbus Is An Idiot…Well, Yeah

Christopher Columbus Is An Idiot

Kurt Kalata of Hardcore Gaming 101 knows a lot about older games and what makes them great or awful. Is that reason enough to trust him to make his own games? Regardless of the answer, Kurt has developed and released the first chapter of a point-and-click adventure called Christopher Columbus is an Idiot. He did this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, who doesn’t want to make a game at some point in their life?

Secondly, he misses the humor of old-school point-and-click adventure games.

Those old LucasArts adventures, with their silly plots and ridiculous characters. The less sense it makes, the more reason to include in the game. Sure, you could consider this a game based on history, but those foundations are very sloppy as more attention is paid to ridicule as the trappings of the modern day collide logic with the old-timey setting in a messily-drawn clash of the ages. It’s comedy.

Christopher Columbus Is An Idiot

The premise behind Christopher Columbus is an Idiot is that the man of history must have been a bit of a wreck to mislabel the peoples of the world he discovered on their native lands. That’s enough of an excuse to spiral into historic burlesque reminiscent of a Python film. Columbus in this game is not just a blithering idiot with a telepathic rabbit, but he’s also hated for the things he does. Things start off with his diving through his bedroom window, with an angry mob chasing him. After you’ve managed to throw a molotov cocktail back at them, they move on, but it all goes dramatically downhill from there, not that Columbus notices.


“In real life, Christopher Columbus was someone so deeply denial about his misdiscoveries that he wrongly identified an entire race of people – a mistake with ramifications today! Apparently, refused to acknowledge that he’d ever done anything wrong. What kind of foolish buffoon does that? That’s what we seek to answer.”


I’m not particularly fond of the Sierra adventures-style interface which means you’re constantly flicking through icons in order to verb your way through the game, but gliding on my mouse wheel, rather than right click-cycling, certainly helped things along. The hint system is rather great too. It’s your rabbit, which you can speak to in your inventory to find out what to do next, but at an early point in the game, it gets snatched by an eagle, a very diegetic way to remove a hint system.

Armed with your favorite pornography, you’ll take on stripper librarians, who tout the mind to be the sexiest organs and bloodied beaver uprisings. It’s an exploration of the type of mind that can confuse one race of people with another, which mainly acts as a means to take the piss out of someone and throw lots of crazy stuff at you.

This is not the final version of the game, either. Kurt doesn’t want his own art to be the look of the game and would love to raise funds to employ a professional artist to have a go at it at one point in time. Perhaps then, we’ll understand the glory of a coat of arms that depicts a bird pooping on a snake.

Christopher Columbus Is An Idiot