Mixtapes – oh, yeah! Arousal rendered in the form of cassettes; plastic bath tubs filled with free game goodies straight from the kitchen. Dip your toe in, try the waters and then thrust your whole foot in. Feels good, doesn’t it? Mixtapes – mwah! Free games to play through the guts of the developers. Warm, weird, amusing and masochist. A reel of the unknown into which you can fantasize.
The act of watching the television is a dangerous one. It’s possible that your arse may sink so low into the cushioned seat after so much channel gazing that you end up in the midst of a new terrible world. Only a slight chance of that happening, admittedly, but there’s a chance, most certainly….and are you willing to take it? ARE YOU?! Bwak caught my eye because you play as a chicken. And the title is a lovely piece of onomatopoeia that said little chicken will make upon…ooh, let’s say a demon should emit from the television set. Probably. All you have to do in Bwak is channel hop. But bear in mind the timing of your hopping so that you can watch as many different channels as possible. Keep a close eye on your heartbeat – we wouldn’t want that precious muscle overworking itself now, and it would certainly not be healthy should it burst all over that lovely new comfy chair of yours.
The idea of an egg-and-spoon race is to simply balance a curvaceous ovum atop a cupping metal instrument while one runs toward a marked-out finish against other opponents in the same situation, and the first one to get to the end with their egg still astride the spoon is the winner. Blob Balance is a bit like that, and it’s also a lot like keepy-uppy too. Except there’s a couple of noticeable differences. For a start, the thing you’re trying to balance is, as the title quite clearly divulges, a blob. So it’s rather stubborn and more inclined to flob around as it spreads the force pressed against it all manners of wobbly ways. Second, the instrument with which you’re trying to keep this blob out of the killzones with is a solid circle. The problem here is that blobs enjoy the feeling of curvy circles and like to wrap the outline around their circumference. So the idea of trying to balance one with the other is preposterous.
Each level in Gout Pony’s ‘A Family Gouting’: The Game is based on the rather brilliantly offbeat songs of Gout Pony’s first EP, ‘A Family Gouting’™, which you should listen to when you’ve got nothing better to do. Altogether it comes to form an absurdist trip rendered through the living eyes of the game’s characters. Robert Coover, that guy who doesn’t give a fuck, just hops and bounds past all the obstacles. Play a dead horse in a visual text adventure. Attempt to pass through Jeremy Kyle’s gnashing jaws, dodge Mike Tyson’s many fists, shoot a giant pixelated picnic-snatcher, dodge your family while you paint lighthouses and eat the food that gives you gout! Gout Pony’s ‘A Family Gouting’: The Game has it all!
Word of advice – download Glorious Trainwrecks Dot Exe if you can’t run the game, as you should be able to find it in that library and play it from there.
The sea is volumes of black, and for a tiny submarine it’s a dangerous, sloshy grave. Crabs, squids and stationary eyeballs fire burning projectiles to pierce the hub and cause disaster. But screw that submarine crew! And do you want to know why? It’s filled with hateful Nazis, and yes, that’s who you’ll be piloting in the great, darkly ocean depths onboard their rotten Nazi submarine. Your goal in Subbania is to invade the United States from the sea, but your mission goes slightly awry when you and your Nazi buddies end up getting sucked into the fathoms of hell. See you later, suckers! But oh, no, it’s you at the wheel, isn’t it? So expect demonic bosses to soon take the place of those pathetic sea creatures and their puny projectiles. Luckily, you can save your progress quite regularly, and the weapons you eventually acquire will help out a lot. But still, you’re Nazis in hell, so you HAVE to burn up at some point, right?
So many adventures that we’ve been on – just how many loving partners have we left behind?! Breaking Character has you going through the wondrous process of character creation that takes place at the beginning of the majority of RPGs. Choosing your race, your religion, weapon, outfit and all the rest. But in between each one of these choices you have a conversation to uphold with your partner. They’re uneasy about you because you’ve been acting a little funny because you’re thinking about scoring all of that loot if you were to go adventuring again. Ultimately, at the end of it all, you’re given a choice to make: your partner or the adventurer’s life. No matter what you choose, you won’t be able to beat the fact that I was a half-god, half black cat with a top hat who prayed to a T-Rex and would only be half buried just so that everyone could see my upper-half rot away.